TES Blades: A Love Story Gone Wrong

Okay, so I love Skyrim. I love it so much that I’m still playing it after eight years. I’ve spent the better part of my marriage modding it to perfection. Skyrim is the quintessential open world RPG, and with the capability of modding, the game has limitless potential. Yeah, Bethesda has announced TES 6, but Bethesda has also turned into my abusive high school girlfriend. She says she’ll get better, but she keeps kicking me in the nuts, and each time is harder than the last. So instead I’m forced to relive the memories of when things were good.



Sure I’m excited for TES6, but I don’t want to get my expectations up too high only to have my heart once again broken by God Howard. So I refused to let him sweet talk me into a false sense of security. Not this time! Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, you still have my money.



Then Blades came out. I actually forgot I pre-ordered it. It was announced around the same time Fallout 76 was, so you know… I was a little too busy raging and falling into an endless pit of sorrow. So it was a huge surprise when I picked up my phone to find Blades waiting for me in all its glory, almost akin to a “hey, you still up,” midnight text.  Bethesda did it to me again. God Howard managed to charm his way back into my life. He showed me a good time, a really fantastic time, and in the beginning, it was great.

For a mobile game Blades has phenomenal graphics. Some of the best I’ve seen to date. The environments are expansive and highly detailed. The character models look like your typical vanilla Elder Scrolls or Fallout Game. That is to say, characters without mods.  


The combat is pretty simple; a couple of swipes across the screen and tapping circles on your enemies will usually get the job done. The game can be played in vertical or landscape mode. I found playing in landscape mode made for a better, more fluid experience when it came to exploring dungeons and combat.

Just like it’s platform predecessors you can level up your character and upgrade their states; Skills, Magic, and Abilities with your rewarded points. Which has always been a fun and stressful time in my life. Like really, you expect me to make these life decisions now?!


When not dungeon crawling, you are you Town mode, where you can wander around talking to the residents, build homes and stores, craft weapons and armor, enchant items, and decorate. The more you make and decorate the more prestige your town get, which invites more people to live there. Let’s face it, having a high level of prestige is just another way to find the validation your dad never gave…


So things are great. I’m totally digging this game. I could play it forever, and it’s in the early access stage, so it’s only going to get better. Right? Wrong! God Howard just came home drunk, and I didn’t have dinner ready.


As you progress through the game, dungeons become increasingly harder, building up your town becomes insanely expensive, and supply drops become scarce. Eventually, you find yourself hitting a wall in which you can’t go further unless you start spending some real-world money on supplies and gear. Which wasn’t so bad at first because, “I’m an adult, I work really hard for my money, so I can make responsible decisions with it.”

A little purchase here, a little… wait, what?! 99 bucks for 14,000 gems?! I know what you’re thinking, “You don’t really need 14,000 gems to do you?” Well, gems are the currency used to keep the game moving. With there being a timer on practically everything you need to progress in the game. You can often find yourself waiting whole days just to open a chest. So naturally opening them immediately costs a shit load of gems. Same with building in your town. I waited six hours from my Blacksmith to have a home. That’s six hours he spent homeless, out in the cold, with nothing but his pride and balls.


So, there I was crying as my friend consoled me and said, “You’re too good for God Howard, he doesn’t deserve you.” To which I thought, “You know what? You’re right. This is the last time I ever fall for him and Bethesda ! I’m taking a stand. As long as I have my pride, I’ll never play a Bethesda game again!” I’ve since stopped playing Blades and swore off any Bethesda Games. I can say I’ve been two months clean today. Let me know what you guys think of Blades, and games that force Micro-transactions on you.

Tune in next time for my review of Rage 2!